Girl, Smoove Will Not Be Able To Attend Your Wedding

Girl, while it has been almost two years since we broke apart, not a second goes by that you are not on my mind. As I have written many times in...

Caption Contest!

Okay CarryOn, this is a new addition to the blog. The inaugural caption contest. Post your best caption to the picture in a comment, the winner will be revealed in the Kudos section of an upcoming edition of the Daily Judith. Good Luck!

Come out to the game tonight

While City of Beverly Hills pitcher/villain "Mr. Jones" might not be as scheming as Steve Sanders or as annoyingly smart as Andrea, that guy is still on our most, most, most disliked list of Beverly Hills citizens. Come out and support the CarryOn Slumpbusters at 6:30 tonight as they try to avenge their most bitter loss to the City of Beverly Hills employees. This time, it's personal.

The Gap Girls

Paul's Mom Sent Us Some Home Movies...

overheard...

...some song playing at some women's clothing store...


"... if i had to use the payphone...
... to get my game on...
... would you still kick it with me?..."

"if i had to take a bus ride...
... (something, something)...
... would you still kick it with me?..."


i believe TLC already answered this.

"NO SCRUBS"



(oh, do you have that shirt in a small?)

Veronica's got some sass!

We Got the Magic Back

Congrats to the Slumpbusters for busting the slump and beating mPRm on Tuesday. Here's a little conversation that made all the difference:

Team: Carlos isn't doing too hot as pitcher, but Shelley is awesome on first because she is a lefty.

Paul: Well, I don't know what to do. Carlos can't run because he pulled his hammy ham and I'm awesome at short stop.

Team: Is there anyone else on the team who can pitch? Kat certainly can't and she's too buzzed to do much of anything since Alma made her drink at work.

Paul: I guess I could pitch.

Team: Are you a good pitcher?

Paul: Sure.

Team: Ok, you're our only hope, so don't screw it up!

Ump: Strike!

Team: Oh joy of joys - Paul's pretty good!

Ump: Strike! You're out!

Team: Holy Sh*t! Paul, you're amazing! Why did you wait until half-way through the season to tell us that you can pitch really well?

Paul: I don't know. Hehehe.

###

Carlos "The Enforcer"

Nowadays, it is not enough for a PR rep to be smart, charming, smooth talkin', great writer, so on and so forth. You can now add "must be physically imposing" to the list.

Case in point.

The intrepid Carlos was staffing Nautica’s VIP suite during AVP Brooklyn last Saturday. (I was just there following his lead…) Apart from looking out for media and being nice to Nautica guests, we were also given the task of making sure that only Nautica guests are inside the VIP suite.

Well, wouldn’t you know. Carlos had to flex his muscles since a number of inebriated and uninvited wandering souls happen to have disrupted the ambiance.

On one occasion, Nautica ladies were trying to politely throw out some random guy who just wouldn’t budge. Seeing the predicament unfolding in front of him, Carlos sprung into action. He quietly sat next to Mr. Random Guy and whispered something into his ear, much like how a mob boss would order one of his goons to take care of somebody. Mr. Random Guy, seeing how much Carlos towers over him, coupled with his mafioso threats, went along his stubborn way. Problem solved. Oh yeah. The Nautica ladies were chummy with Carlos, especially after that.

On another occasion, one of the media people was actually the perpetrator. This dude was allowed to enjoy the suite with three friends. (They couldn’t pay the entrance fee?!??) But he crossed Carlos’ patience when he snuck in a fourth person (as if Carlos would not notice). They were also drinking heavily and had become rowdy. So Carlos had to manhandle all five of them and toss them out of the suite… I should have had a camera with me...

So the lesson is you should all start working out and be ready to rumble… It is now part of the hazards of your job...


(This story is based on reality but some details have been altered to protect the identity of participants and to give flavor to the blog…)

Hey Good Lookin! We'll Be Back To Pick You Up Later!

I found Betty's old cheerleading photo!

What we will be doing after our softball victory tonight...

L.A. Confidential

For three weeks now since I joined CarryOn, the folks in LA (save for JP & Paul, and even Kevin who I briefly met while he was changing his sweat soaked shirt…) have largely been smiley faces and avatars in the IM board, plus a gazzilion email personalities ranging from the automated (Tracy’s profnets… I’m not saying you’re a machine Tracy. =) ) to the hilarious and seemingly inappropriate (I probably should not mention anything in that regard…).


But last Thursday, I, and Eloise, my fellow newbie, were finally able to meet a couple of LA folks.


First up was Carlos, whom I’ve been working with on some accounts. My first impression of him was… he is tall. He’s at least a foot taller than me. So when Dave came, well, I was half wondering why CarryOn does not have a basketball instead of a softball team. GO TEAM!!!


Carlos is a great teammate. Must be part of his sports instincts. He uses phrases like, “I’m here to help” or “Do you need anything?” He is also sarcastic. That Thursday I had complained about not feeling well… and he offered to call the “wambulance.” He also stole my mouse to finish an ESPN report, despite that I offered to get one at Staples during lunch. He was having a Marbury moment. I think he prides himself in being able to function well after a late night out. He seems like he’s ready to crash but just keeps going. (I will save his Nautica heroics for another blog.)


I only got to be with Dave a bit over lunch. He dished out some scoop about the LA office that would rival a Desperate Housewives episode. Wouldn’t you like to know what secrets he revealed… =D But then again, you’re all in on it anyway. Ho-hum. I didn’t get to ask him about his extreme sports stuff though. His blog says that he is the source of all things extreme. How about swimming in the Hudson River?


It was fun to meet some LA superstars. It’s always a great opportunity to get to know the people you are working and spending time with for at least ten to twelve hours of your waking moment…


p.s. Did you check out my previous blog entry? (click and zoom in) Calvin & Hobbes are looking for a PR agency...

We CAN Have Nice Things

Yes, my friends, it's true. On a recent adventure undertaken by JP and Kevin, a rare Indian headdress was discovered in the lobby of a hotel in Jackson Hole. Needless to say, the "Do Not Touch" sign provoked immediate action.

Something to stretch to...

Corky St. Clair's First Appearance?

CarryOn "Draws" Cartoon Legends Calvin and Hobbes Into Its Client List...

i love calvin and hobbes. i will pitch them to hire carryon... =)

Dispatches from Philadelphia

Philly update 1: So far, The City of Brotherly Love has charged me $300 dollars to rent this car and wouldn’t let me check in to my hotel until this afternoon. However, I’m holding out hope that I’ll get a picture of the Rocky Balboa statue and Liberty Bell before the day is through.

Philly update 2: No Rocky Balboa, and I only got the exterior view of the building that holds the liberty bell. But it's a nice building, so I'll take it.

Philly update 3: "Streets of Philadelphia" is a great Bruce Springsteen song from an even better movie ("Philadelphia" duh). In this song the boss says, "I was bruised and battered / I couldn't tell what I felt / I was unrecognizable to myself." I now see what the man means and why this city is a perfect backdrop for his message about the marginalized and downtrodden. First off, the city, like the song, is beautiful. There's a pervasive sense of history here, literally everywhere you turn is another landmark that played an integral role in the birth of the country. Yet it seems like a city that is so essential to our existence as a nation hasn't found a way to move on or view itself as an active part of the present. It's just weird seeing a Footlocker across the street from Benjamin Franklin's former home or A Hard Rock Cafe around the corner from the sight of the signing of the constitution.

Philly update 4: Did you ever see that SNL sketch when a mother gives birth to a full grown Will Ferrell and he says "Whooo. It was HOT in there. I am RIPE."
Well, truer words were never spoken in my case as a day of trekking (plus travel restrictions due to the potential dangers of my Old Spice High Performance gelstick) around historic Philadelphia has left me smelling like an old, sweaty turkey sandwich. I think Adrian was actually able to smell me through our IMs.

Philly Update 5: This no gel/toothpaste/aerosol (sp?) travel thing is really killing me. I haven't shaved in 4 days, my hair looks weird, and I think my breath can best be described as mustardy. On the plus side, my hotel was kind enough to supply me with some complimentary toothpaste and a toothbrush. Now, I don't want to insult the good people at SpringFresh toothpaste, but I have a couple of issues.

One, why is a toothpaste called SpringFresh? Mint, cinnamon and even the crazy new lemon/citrus/vanilla scents I can deal with. But Spring conjures up thoughts about laundry detergent, room deodorizers and household cleaners. This is weird to me, especially since the toothpaste turned out to be mint flavored.

Two, I'm not making this up, this is verbatim off the back of the tube "WARNING: If you accidentally swallow more than used for brushing, seek professional assistance or contact a poison control center immediately." How much of this stuff does it take to kill you? The whole tube is the same size as a minitube of superglue.
Philly Update 6: Well, the Philly updates are now coming from New York as I made my way into town via train and straight over to CarryOn's office. Finally got to meet the lovely new members of the team, Veronica, Elizabeth, Siobahananahhaan and Eloise. I'm going to try to force them to post before the day is over. Stay tuned....

Little Does Traci Know...

...but Paul actually just dropped quite a bomb at the time this photo was taken. Seconds later, poor Traci was overcome with a stench that parallels only that of a porta potty on the second week of a state fair.

Maybe we'd be better as a cycling team...

...since softball might not be our thing.

Game Time Woo!

Tonight. Tuesday, August 15 at 7:45 in the pm there will be a game. Not just any game mind you, but a game of wills, a game of spirit and a game of violence. Of course I'm talking about slow-pitch-co-ed-d-league softball. It's faaaaaaaantastic. Still not interested? Well, I've taken the liberty of outlining several dramatic storylines to add some gravitas and emotion to the game. Not that it needed any.

Dramatic Storylines:

1. Led by a drunk, down-on-his-luck coach, who's trying to reclaim the glory of his playing days and win over the beautiful school teacher who teaches him the true meaning of winning, can a rag tag group of misfits from the wrong side of the tracks overcome their weaknesses/differences/stereotypes and learn to play as a team?
2. Can Dave Miller hit a homerun for his dying father on his birthday? Back story: David Miller's dad is a cold-hearted businessman who always forbade his son from playing softball and insisted that the 8 year-old David should instead focus on taking over the family broom manufacturing business. Forced to keep his love of softball a secret, David pretended to be attending broom manufacturing classes in his teens while actually playing in an underground softball league. However, once his father discovered his son's disobedience he promptly threw his son's bat and glove into the incinerator and cast David out into the street in a powerful scene in which a young Dave proclaims, "Daddy, I don't want your life!"
3. Can the grizzled veteran, Carlos Manzanillo, find the strength to play through the pain of 2 severed hamstrings and rise from his wheelchair to get the game-winning hit when the CarryOn Slumpbusters are on the verge of defeat? I can see it now, Paul, in an angry rage, refuses to let Carlos bat when he says, "Coach, put me in." Then, Carlos, with a look of steely determination will look Paul in the eye and say, "Look... all those things I said.... Those were just words. What I have now is something I've never had before -- a family. Now dammit, Coach, I want to stand up again and walk for my family. Because God knows they've stood up for me."

Can you resist going to the game now? Honestly. I just gave myself goosebumps.

Insta-Poll

Summer Fun Recommendations from Styletainment Editor, Gracey K!

When I say that I love summer, I mean I really L-O-V-E this time of year. I’ll gladly take the searing heat in exchange for balmy nights meant for bare shoulders.

Show me one person who hates summer and I’ll show you one sad human being who kicks puppies and hates fun.

This is the very first summer of my life that I’ve spent the prime tanning hours indoors (also the 1st year I’ve refrained from tanning---hence not even qualifying for NCAA level tanning). During my most recent post-school years, I somehow finagled jobs that allowed me to increase my chances of developing skin cancer.

The silver lining in the sheer cruelty of making worker bees toil throughout the summer would have to be the heightened appreciation for the remaining hours of sunlight upon leaving the office and sunny weekends.

There’s nothing greater than savoring a freshly grilled burger at a poolside brouhaha, running to the midnight shore barefoot, sipping in downtown in all its quiet July splendor, and appreciating alfresco events in the company of those who leave you feeling slightly light-headed from happiness. . .

And all this is possible with a full work schedule!

So from me to you, here are my top picks to help you savor summer. . .

1. Catch a film outdoors. Free Weekly Outdoor Films at Santa Monica Pier, La Brea Tar Pits, Hollywood Forever Cemetery. I’d recommend picnicking since things taste better when you eat them outdoors.

2. Drive with all the windows open and turn up any of the following songs: CCR Have You Ever Seen the Rain, Marcelo D2 Procura da Batida Perfeita

3. Take a night time hike. The Sierra Club has weekly night hikes at Griffith Park.

4. Get away for the weekend without taking a plane. There’s a great Belgian waffle place at Lake Arrowhead that’s perfect for breakfast.

5. Go dancing. Preferably outdoors and with no shoes on. If you’re going to wear shoes, I’d recommend smaller venues such as Tokio, Zanzibar, Beauty Bar, Viceroy. . .

6. Eat something grilled with an iced drink. This is better if the something grilled was once a living animal, but I suppose we can make exceptions for vegetarians.

The Oracle will see you now....

Dear Readers,

The editors here at the CarryOn Clubhouse Headquarters are proud to bring you the highly demanded weekly segment WWJD (What Would Judith Do?). Each week will see a bevy of advice from our very own font of wisdom: the fabulous Miss Judith Russell. Such wisdom is nary found in the modern world - relegated to the dark and musty corners of myth by the harsh illumination of the Enlightenment. Ancient Greece had the Oracle at Delphi, the Middle Ages had the magnificent and powerful Merlin, the 70's had the hulkish and surprisingly sagely Mr. T. Following in the great master tradition of wisdom passed through the ages, we bring you Miss Judith Russell, who needs no introduction. Prepare your body for the icy chills of mortal revelation and strap on your helmet lest your mind be blown completely.

The format of the column will be in a Q+A style with the raw honesty and devastating force of a Vegas hangover. Your humble editors will only extract that material we deem too awesome for your feeble minds. The first weekly installment, prepared for you by Yours-Truly, the Managing Editor of the CarryOn Clubhouse, Adrian Scandle in conjunction with Editor-in-Chief Dr. David M (PhD., Tween Studies, CarryOn Univ.) and Styletainment Editor Grace K delves deeply into the psyche of Judith in order to distill from the sea of knowledge the one pearl of wisdom from millions of thought-oysters and clams of well constructed curses. Without further ado:

Q: Judith, what would you do if you were dragged underwater by a giant turtle?

A: Drown.

Q: Judith, what would you do if you liked somebody and didn't know how to tell them?

A: Ask a friend to do it.

Q: Judith, what would you do if you won the lottery?

A: Give 95% to charity and have fun with the rest.

While these questions are admittedly novice-level, we figured we'd break you in, dear Readers, so you could fully acclimate to the earth shattering truths lurking behind the reception desk. We welcome question submissions. If there is anything you want to know, anything at all, send us your questions and we will place them before Judith. Remember, as Aladdin quickly discovered in Aladdin 2: Return of Jafar, be careful what you ask for!!!

Humbly Your Servant,

Managing Editor -- Adrian Scandle

X Marks the Spot

Hey Dudes --

This is Dave, your most xtreme correspondent for all things xtreme.

"Dave," people often say to me, "Tell me what it's like to be so xtreme."

Well, answering a question like this is like being Leonardo Da Vinci and having someone ask you what it's like to invent the helicopter. Or in my case, trying to explain what it feels like to have everclear for blood and jackhammers for muscles. It just doesn't translate to Joe and Jane Sixpack.

After laughing like I think their question is cute, I usually just say, "Listen Dude. You want the real deal, Holyfield? Check the blog. And be sure to read my X Games coverage."

This is where they go after I have this conversation with them.


Here is a sick guy doing a sick jump off of a sick pile of dirt. Considering the fact that this was the X Games and that he was only warming up, I was willing to bet that he would be higher when the event started. Judging from the smell that came out of the locker room later, I was right.








This giant steel X is probably the single most xtreme thing I saw at the games. Well, that or the huge Step Up movie poster outside the Staples Center.











Yes, that guy is upside down.









In between strong arming media up to the ESPN suite, I did some star gazing. This is me getting all paparazzi on that ass. Check out Pink and her biker boyfriend Carey Hart! Sidebar, She was weeping pretty hard in the corner only minutes before. Also, this picture is not out of focus, she was THAT drunk.







Alright dudes, that's all for now. Keep reading the blog, stay off the pipe and don't forget to wipe.

Dave

I found Carlos' graduation photo!

Looks like someone bought their tickets to the gun show...

What You Weren't Supposed to see...

This is what happened when we turned on the infra-red lens of the camera...

Our Team Mom

These lovely pictures from Tuesday's game were taken by our very own team Mom who has not yet learned how to use the red eye flash feature on the company camera. Thanks for supporting us at the game, Mom. We love you.

Couple of Pics from Tuesday night

Front runner for COPR X-Mas card 2006

Bad News Bears

I can't even come up with a caption...