Celeb Interview Time

From time to time we like to interview folks from outside the CarryOn world to provide their own insights on things. Maybe share some advice or wisdom with us. The goal here is to be hard-hitting, thought provoking and to get us to look at the things around us in a different way.

We recently tried to sit down with a well-known police officer from New York City. He visited Los Angeles but once in 1988 and it was quite an explosive experience. Unfortunately he couldn't make it, so we got the next best thing. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, here's a transcript of our interview with the IMDB page of Mr. Die Hard himself, John McClane.

COPR: First of all, I want to thank you for making time to speak with us, I know we've been playing phone tag all week. Lots of voice messages.

JM: Ooooh, I'm very sorry Hans. I didn't get that message. Maybe you should've put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I've waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I decided to give you a call.

COPR: Um, I don't know who those people are. Also, my name isn't Hans, although my great grandfather had some Bavarian blood. Anyway, speaking of names, should i call you Mr. McClane? John? Any preference?

JM: Sister Teresa called me Mr. McClane in the Third Grade. My friends call me John... and you're neither s***head.

COPR: Okay, well, thanks for being here. There's a funny story about how we met...

JM: I got invited to the Christmas party by mistake. Who knew?

COPR: Well it was a mistake we certainly don't regret. Frankly, we we're all a little surprised to have a star in our midst how did you sneak past the paparazzi?

JM: I've seen enough phony ID's in my time to know that the ones they got must have cost a fortune. Add all that up, I don't know what the f*** it means, but you got some bad-ass perpetrators and they're here to stay.

COPR: John - let me be frank - we all know that you've had some struggles as an officer. From the excessive violence and brutality to a rough divorce. Why not leave the force for something else?

JM: 'Cause I'm a New York cop. I got a six-month backlog on New York scumbags I'm still trying to put behind bars. I can't just pick up and go that easy.

COPR: In our line of work, we often come up against tight deadlines, crises --

JM: Hey, hey! How 'bout you just skip down to the part where you tell me what the f*** this has to do with me.

COPR: Um, okay... I hardly think swearing is --

JM: Hahdly? Well, what have you got against me anyway? What did I bring you in for? Shoplifting? Purse-snatching?

COPR: Next topic: managing up. How do you deal with an angry boss? Did this have any negative effects?

JM: I threw his little brother off the thirty-second floor of Nakatomi Towers out in L.A. I guess he's a little pissed at me.

COPR: Um... This has been fun, John. Any closing words?

JM: Yippie-ki-yay mother--

COPR: Thanks John, great stuff today.

Fun with Words

Let's play some word games! Follow the instructions below and submit your answers in the "Comments" section. The best entry gets that can of lentil soup in the breakroom (the one kinda behind the dried red pepper flakes). Let's get started!

1) Jargon Jumble
Instructions: Using common PaRlance from the public relations world, compose the "perfect" paragraph. The trick is, you must place it in an alternate setting than the office place; in other words, take it out of the PR context.

Example: {Bonnie and Clyde} "Honey - we need to garner the get-away car by leveraging your tall and handsome good looks. Use a block-and-tackle method of looping-back with the bank teller you're holding up and tell him it would be against strategy to outreach to the cops. This will bolster our opportunity for a robust get-away. Stay buttoned up and retain your core asset: cool."

2) Create Your Own Titles!
Instructions: Account Executives became Account Specialists, Interns became Executive Trainees. Construct your own creative title to describe your position!

Examples: Accountabilibuddy, Account Surveyor, Account(able for Nothing), Account SpecialOps, Account Accountant, etc.

This is AND 1

For Jim Nantz and the Masters

Don't tell me golfers are not athletes!

Whose Humps?

James suggested we show this one, and I for one love it.

In Honor of Opening Day