CarryOn Pandemic Alert

To: CarryON

From: CarryOn's Public Health Minister Frandle

Re: Disease Outbreak Protocol and Pandemic Plan of Action

It has been brought to the attention of the Ministries of Health at CarryOn that in the past 2 weeks (that being the last weeks in January 2007) a pandemic of indeterminate etiology has coursed through the personnel at CarryOn Communication. Accordingly, the Ministries of Health, in conjunction with the Ministry of Information (aka David) have raised the Pandemic Office Operating Protocol Alert (or POOP Alert) to level 3. As many of you are aware, the scale is out of 5, with 1 being a common cold, 2 a mutation of that cold and subsequent spreading in an inter-office fashion, 3 an increased rate of infection with forced absence and manifestation of symptoms in a myriad of ways (pink-eye, strep throat, maladies of unknown origin), 4 being the Black Death and 5 being a full-blown zombie invasion (a la 28 Days Later).

POOP requires that if you begin to manifest symptoms of your own, or suspect that you might be coming down with something, you rapidly dose-up on Nature's Resource - Trimune, "it supports, stimulates and defends!" Other steps include avoiding the biosafe lab commonly known as "the Cave" and finally, removing yourself from the office to prevent further infection. Should you start to see any signs of plague (festering boils, blindness, hypothermia and leprosy) immediately retire to the 22nd floor for detox and quarantine. Should you or anyone near you start to display acute zombism (thirst for blood, hunger for brains, no pulse), you must immediate trap them - or yourself - in a safe area away from others. You then either have the choice of pitting more than one against each other in a proto-cock fight or remove the head or induce blunt-force trauma to the brain.

Should you have any questions about the POOP schema, please contact the Ministries of Health - do not go to FEMA - and remember, remain calm: level 3 is only a little more than half-way to becoming a full-blown, flesh eating member of the undead.

God Help Us All,

Adrian Frandle

CarryOn Minister of Health