Sweet Lady, Santa Fe

Fe, Sweet, Fe
You have this way
Of adding a little crunch
To my lunch.

You heat up in five minutes or less
And really don't make a mess.
And somehow you make my food
Taste oh so good.

So thank you, Sweet Fe
For making my day
You make the best quesadilla
Better than any taqueria.

R.I.P. Chaz Westchesterfield

Chaz Westchesterfield, 18, was found dead late last night, the victim of an apparent car accident. It appears Chaz lost control of his white Corvette while speeding down Sunset Blvd. Police suspect he may have been drag racing his longtime friend and rival, actor James Spader.

When questioned about the death, Spader acknowledged attending a party with Westchesterfield earlier in the night at the Beverly Hills home of classmates Eric and Lyle Menendez but claimed that the two left hours apart. Spader also claimed that Chaz had been, "Partying pretty hard," and was distressed after receiving "Some pretty heavy news from his step mom," concerning her disapproval over an upcoming trip to Daytona Beach for spring break.

Preliminary autopsy results have revealed large quantities of Diet Coke in his system. Authorities have yet to determine if Chaz was on his carphone at the time of the accident. Westchesterfield leaves behind his father, stockbroker Bruce Westchesterfield and stepmother, actress Brigitte Nielson-Westchesterfield.

And the annual RZ Award Goes To...

CarryOn,

After weeks of deliberation, the panel of judges has come to a definitive decision about the Annual RZ Award Winner this year. It was a close race, and many spewed forth a valiant effort. But in the end, we can only (double) crown one person: DAVID. The following photographic evidence is responsible for swaying the judges' opinion:

They are mopping up the David's glory. This edged out all the competing runners who lacked actual corroborating pictures (we had one audio entry from Tricia, but it there was too much laughing to capture the actual incident).

So congratulations, David. You have won the RZ Award. Carlos, time to hand over your sceptre.

Flavia Cappuccino, a Love Letter

Oh succulent flavor, oh frothy delight,
Revitalization in early dawn's light,

Your one-two step punch brings to my face a smile,
For energy you bring makes mornings worthwhile,

Please don’t ever leave me, please don’t ever go,
For it’s you that I love, my Cappuccino.

Some sage advice from Michael Scott

Hazel is paradise in a steamed packet and delivered like a thunderstorm??? (I hate father)

Hazel, dear Hazel....
Try not to try to hard while your sweetness opens
WIDE, WIDE
The doors to a PARTY IN MY MOUTH

Anon, anon, anon....

I saw the best minds of my generation in your slightly sweet,
but not too sweet
aroma.... (you require two creamers and one packet of sugaRRRRRR)

The best part of waking up..... is FLAVIA in my cup

END

Flavia Costa Rica - Un Poema

Flavia Costa Rica,
La suavidad del sabor
Me hace bien.
Me da calor.

¡Que energía que me das!
Por favor, nunca me dejas
Sin tu riquisimo olor.
O, Flavia, sin ti
La vida es puro dolor.

Amanda G. and Old Lace

I Used to Love the 80’s
One Woman’s Battle with Cheap Lace

I think we can all agree that I took the 80’s prom theme very seriously. My costume was my dream realized and seeing crowds of giant hair made my heart swell. That’s the funny thing about dreams… they often crash and then they burn. I now bring you to present day where I can barely type due to the overwhelming itchiness I’m experiencing on both my hands. I have bad news my friends… cheap, fingerless lace gloves are bad – very, very bad. I think the rest of the story can best be shared through the conversation had recently with my dermatologist.

Dermatologist: “So… tell me when you started itching.”

Me: “Well… I noticed slight irritation over the weekend, but it really picked up the past couple days.”

Dermatologist: “Did you do anything out of the ordinary? Lotions, clothing?”

Me: “Um…well… I did wear these lace gloves last weekend… not that I would normally wear those, I mean who would… but we had this party, an 80’s party, so, uh, yeah… I guess that was different.”

Dermatologist: Swallows laugh. “This seems like the most logical explanation, your itching is quite localized. I must say it’s also one of the more unique stories I’ve heard. I guess my recommendation would be to take some Claritin and stay away from any sort of lace gloves… maybe all gloves, just to be safe. Definitely something to think about for your next costume party, huh?”

Me: Shamed. “Yeah, thanks. I’m going to go ahead and go now.”

World's tallest man saves dolphin

The world's tallest man has saved two dolphins by using his long arms to reach into their stomachs and pull out dangerous plastic shards.

Mongolian herdsman Bao Xishun was called in after the dolphins swallowed plastic used around their pool at an aquarium in Fushun, north-east China.

Attempts to use instruments failed as the dolphins contracted their stomachs.

Guinness World Records list Mr Bao, 54, as the world's tallest living man at 2.36m (7ft 8.95in).

Recovering

Veterinarians turned to Mr Bao after attempts to extract the plastic shards at the aquarium in Fushun, Liaoning Province, had failed.

The mammals had lost their appetite and were suffering depression, aquarium officials said.

The heads of the dolphins were held back and towels wrapped around their teeth so Mr Bao could not be bitten.

He then extended his 1.06m-long arm into the mammals' stomachs.

Chen Lujun, manager of Royal Jidi Ocean World, said Mr Bao was successful and the dolphins were "in very good condition now".

Local doctor Zhu Xiaoling told the state media agency Xinhua: "Some very small plastic pieces are still left in the dolphins' stomachs.

"However the dolphins will be able to digest these and are expected to recover soon."

Mr Bao was confirmed as the world's tallest living man by Guinness World Records last year.

He overtook the previous holder, Radhouane Charbib of Tunisia, by just 2mm.

Guinness World Records say Mr Bao was of normal height until 16 but then put on a spurt that doctors were unable to explain, reaching his full height in seven years.

Dave's Crystal Ball

Guys -- They say it's dangerous to know too much about your future. What with the possibility of tearing holes in the space-time continuum and whatnot. Just ask Marty McFly. His mom had the hots for him.

Well, I just viewed the future. Thanks to my own personal flux capacitor. Take a look at us this Friday at our 80s X-Mas party! Meredith, your Martha Quinn costume is SPOT ON!

MarryOn

Congratulations to our very own Paul Yoffe who finally settled down and tied the knot this weekend! When we last saw Paul on this blog we almost lost our collective lunch as we viewed his football-sized bruise.

The wedding was -- by all accounts -- stunning, and rumor has it that the Ivan Drago of CarryOn led a conga line around the reception while "Love Shack" by the B-52s blared over the speakers. Or was it "Hot, hot, hot" by Buster Poindexter? Regardless, the Russian Rocket is off the market. Mother Russia is proud of you Paul.